Question by mscarlybobarlysmom: Need help with my teen who is angry about her dad’s bipolar?
My daughter is starting to show major signs of aggravation because of the ups and downs of her dad’s bipolar behavior. She has talked to MANY different sources, from guidance counselors, peer groups, psychologists, etc, but lately she has been so difficult to talk to and to deal with day to day. She’s doing normal teenager stuff like making me nag her to do her homework, clean up her room, but she is also showing disrespectful behavior, similar to mimicking on of her dad’s tantrums. He seems to be worse during the holiday’s and it’s affecting her more and more every day. I have been open and honest about his disorder, advised her when it is ok to ignore his behavior or mood swings, but again, she’s not growing up in a typical household. Her parent has a mental disorder and that’s tough and unfair.
I’m not sure what to do next. Her dad is in his own world these days and although I take the brunt of his depression, she seems this and it bothers her.
The best thing to do I know is to just get out of the situation and bring her with me, but that can’t happen right now. There comes a time when this will happen, but for now, financially it is impossible. The emotional effects, I KNOW do not help her, but it would be the same (yet different) if her dad had cancer, had another type of handicap, was a paraplegic, etc.
What can I do to keep the communication open, keep the tantrums down to a minimum, shield her from some of the affects in our life and let her be as normal of a teen as she can be?
School and after school activities help a lot to get her out of the environment, but for those who don’t have this disorder, it causes a major toll on you emotionally.
What can I do to put a band aid on this for now while I continue to reach out for support, be honest with her about her feelings and what the situation really is and keep her as emotionally healthy as I can in this situation?
I can’t fix her dad, I can’t fix the environment, I can’t even fix her feeling this way, but “what” can i say to make it a little easier on the day to day dealings with this disorder as her dad continues to get help and work on himself to get better?
There must be another way to handle this to make the emotional roller-coaster a little less up and down.
Thanks in advance for your input.

He’s had bipolar since she was a baby, but was not diagnosed until after 3 yrs into our marriage. He’s a recovering alcoholic and drug addict (3 1/2 yrs sober) and suffered a nervous breakdown when she was 3 mos old. I’ve never hidden that daddy is happy and daddy can also be sad, and it has NOTHING to do with her. It has to do with a problem in his brain that he takes pills for, I never lied about the disorder or hid it, so she could understand, it’s really not about anything she did. It’s just a defect he was either born with or has now, just like someone else who has a handicap.
I just hate personally to see her get to a place where she is sad or angry and moves away from him emotionally to protect herself. Sooner or later, the relationship between them, when it is good, is going to suffer and/or even my relationship with her might get bumpier.
Maybe there is another way to help work things out for her through another “group” or doctor, but I don’t want her to label herself as the “kid” whose dad is usually miserable or throws tantrums for no reason and withdrawal because of this.
Any input, through experience or through professional support would be greatly appreciated. Especially with the holidays coming and more exposure to this occurs.
Thank you again for your answers.

Best answer:

Answer by Bryn
Damn… well that is a very bad situation there. let me start of by saying please reassure your teen thaat she will never have bipolar and that she is e xtremely lucy to have a family. limit time between the too until she larns to be nicer to her father. also make sure she is eating regulay and having visits to her friends house. cheek she is not being bullyed. getting good grades at school.alright with her leasons. put her in touvh with kids help line.
bryn 13 <3 good luck

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