Question by D’s MOM: Am I being too hard on him? Can I trust him yet?
I was with a guy for 5 yrs.We broke it off because he got a serious drug problem.It’s only been about 6 mo. and now he’s calling me again saying that he’s being good.I tried to help him stop for at least 2 yrs.Nothing worked.I don’t want to be a part of his life if it’s really not done with and am tired of standing by helplessly when he fails.It really just hurts me too much to see someone I truly care about do that to himself.Is it too soon?What should I do?I don’t really know if I can believe him because I’ve heard stuff like this for so long.We also have a son together who he hasn’t been seeing.I couldn’t trust him alone with him.I don’t want my son to get his hopes up on him if it’s not for sure.I don’t really know what’s been going on in his life so I don’t really have much to go on. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a job still.And I’ve heard that he’s moving out of the apt. that he lives in.Are there any signs I could look for to see what’s up without actually getting involved?

Best answer:

Answer by Randy D
I’d encourage you to get yourself in to counseling for codependents and dysfunctional families, and stay there a while. I’d also make it a FIRM requirement that your boyfriend or whatever do the same as well, and make recovery from drug addiction and your codependency the TOP PRIORITY, with nothing said about the relationship until significant improvement has been made by both of you in your own individual and group counseling has been achieved. This will take a while . . . 6 months minimum by my experience. You both have a responsibility to ya’ll’s children, so that MUST BE a MAJOR ISSUE in counseling. Your relationship and whether you live together again should be so minor an issue as to be almost non-existent. You need to go to a strong counselor well versed in chemical dependency and codependency. Anything short of that very strong work will make your efforts a total waste of time. Oh, and after you get through with counseling, you need to go to 12 Step groups and other “support” groups. Your problems didn’t happen overnight, and they dang sure ain’t gonna go away anytime soon. And ya’ll’s kids will have their subsequent issues to deal with too, so, God Bless you and good luck.

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